I am scared

Is it alright if I'm sad and feeling let down
Is it okay if I'm not myself again
Will you love me the same if i promise to breathe
And count from 1 to 10
Is it alright if I lose track of the world
Is it okay if I hide from the unknown
Will you tell me again the story about
how I'm not alone

As of this moment I have about 40 days till my AS trials. I am trying to get my shit together. But I fear I won't and history would agree with me on this. Because to face facts; I'm a fuck up.

I fuck up things needlessly. I fuck up friendships. I fuck up my life. I fuck up people. I fuck up nearly every good opportunity I have for my future.

Fucking up is my forte. The worse part? I'm not even those fuck ups that get to have some tragic story written about them. I'm just those fuck ups that fuck themselves up into a dead end minimum wage job with normal plain and boring co-workers and friends. Get married to some "nice malay boy" my parents would approve of and live my dull middle class life. Which is just the epitome of well mediocrity. Hence, probably the name of my URL.

I'm pretty sure that all of you don't want to settle for mediocre as well as not want your friends to settle for mediocrity. So, if I don't always layan you all the time you don't have t blow up over it.