[insert a smart title here]

The shitty part of being single

2011-01-10T00:07:00.003+08:00

For the most part it's pretty cool, I get to go around flirting with boys which is a good thing and I get to do the whole casual thing (LIKE THAT EVER HAPPENS LOL).

What gets to me though are these moments where it feels like I have some sort of gaping empty hole in my soul or when I feel like getting all douched up and talk about the abstract philosophical ideals of Russian intellectuals and how it pertains to current social structures and just have no one that would get it.

I just want to feel that connection with some other miserable soul on this massive blue planet. So far no one I've met since my break up has cut it.

Where is my collection of lovers?

I swear that was my new years resolution.

Collect as many boys I can.

Get myself a nice boy who's all into painting, one with a beard, one with an extensive comic book collection who I can argue about the physics and logic of the DC verse with, one chef, one who's up in the event managing biznezz and would sneak me into awesome shows, a bartender, and well you get it.

BUT MY LIFE IS PATHETIC AND I STILL NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS RUT OF DEPRESSION AND COMPLETE UTTER DEMOTIVATION I AM IN. I HATE EVERYTHING

NO ONE EVER MENTION THIS POST TO ME AFTER THIS POINT IN TIME EVER

Ever notice how..

2010-10-26T02:09:00.002+08:00

I usually use this blog to just whine like a mopey bitch? Well essentially that's what blogs are really. Call me some immature 15 year old if you must, it still will not stop me.

Honestly, I have forgotten how it feels to be as alone as it is right now. I never would've thought I'd miss Subang this much. Seeing that I'm back at home I assumed that I'd have someone to hang out with regularly, yet I spend most of my time ALONE. Why? I need to know why.

What is it about this whole Shafina existence that seem to repel people? Do I give off a don't come near me aura? Am I just generally a shitty person? Is it my lack of social skills? Or am I just really fucking needy? Really I NEED TO KNOW.

I mean I get that everyone has their own shit and can't be free to accommodate hanging out with me every single day. It's part of this process of getting on with your life. Still, I need reassurance that the friendships in which I hold dear are those that can lasts a lifetime. Or is all this lack of sleep and stress getting to me.

BEING SINGLE SUCKS

new leases on life!

2010-08-19T22:16:00.002+08:00

Now that I'm back scared shitless but totally willing to face this macabre desolate wasteland of my future even with the faintest glimpses of guidance. Well it'd be unfair to say that my guiding light is some dying candle in th wind. A more accurate personification would be that glimmer of water in the sunlight I guess; attractive, blinding and could possibly drown you.

Wow I feel poetic. I suppose about a month or so of sitting on your ass creates some sort of pent up angst am I right? Also this is essentially me trying to unclog this writers clog that I have since this lazy ass of mine can't seem to bring herself to write even when one of the motherfucking muses is basically doing the writing for her ,she still can't be bothered. Therefore excuse the shitty writing for this post.

LIVE LONG AN PROSPER BITCHESSS

Death to Death

2010-02-24T15:08:00.001+08:00

Wide eyed, grinning in to darkened room,

Sipping cactus brandy from a china spoon,

Coming in the morning in the afternoon, forgetting.

So tired waiting for the end to come,

Fully dead already but forever young,

Hello, my dearest father it's your favorite son,

There's somethings that I'm regretting.

I am destroyer, I am lover,

I am destroyer, I am lover.

I love one thing, destroy the other.

I am destroyer, I am lover.

A gypsy told my fortune then I told her hers,

I said "you'll die high in the mountains wrapped in silver furs.

You'll be looking for your lover in the midnight sun and you'll perish for your lover;

When the frost has begun."

I have a way of seeing and it's nearly gone,

And nobody was listening so I wrote this song.

And when you know the chorus, you can sing along,

you destroy the thing you love, even though you know it's wrong.

I am destroyer, I am lover.

why love one thing and not the other?

I am destroyer, I am lover,

and when I kiss, I like to smother...

Internships!

2010-02-13T17:35:00.000+08:00

"Liking your own statuses is as vain as reading your own blog."

I am aware that the quote has not much in relation to the contents of this post, but who doesn't like laughing at their own vanity?

So, Shafina is on the verge of ending the a-level portion of this journey we call "life". SINCE, she did absolute SHIT on her AS she decided to re-do the worst subject she performed in. She still however takes comfort in the fact that a D in a levels still lands you a spot in most universities. YEAY! Insanely high standards of A-levels!

Okay, back to the point since I'll probably have about 2-3 months before having to go enter the other even more less diluted version of "the real world". I thought "Hey! Why not go out and experience the real world by going for an internship to another country and get some kind of professional working experience."

Well, it can't be any worse than me just hanging out at home goyang kaki right? Imagine, having your own pick of living in any one of 110 countries for 6-8 weeks. *sigh* Thank God! The parents gave me a thumbs up! YEAY!

Now, to think a few months from now I could be absolutely anywhere, doing absolutely anything. Not THAT is mui bueno.

"Best friend" you're still an absolute fucking bitch.

The Shit Has Hit The Fan

2010-02-01T17:19:00.002+08:00

'It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.'

So, long story short. I think I've just permanently ended my "friendship" with "The best friend" and possibly "The Moon". And At this moment I feel nothing but relief and disappointment. Relief be cause I've finally burnt that bridge and disappointment due to the amount of time wasted on them.

"The best friend" has been on thin ice since I've started to realize as to how she treats me like shit for most of the time. Bailing out on me when we have plans, ignoring me when we meet up with any of her friends, stealing my clothes (and lending it out to other people without a second thought), consistently making it out to be like she is the ultimate innocent party in any given situation, and mostly consistently undermining me as well as constant underlying insults with every comment she has about my appearance. With a friend like that, who needs enemies eh? What kind of person goes and hangs out with the guy that has molested her own best friend? Honestly? Being the neutral party is fine, but know where the line stretches. GOD!

And for "The Moon" I've always considered her to be the one friend I can really depend on. That is until she told me that she's been avoiding me because of my boyfriend and the "new habits" in which I have picked up.

Who avoids their friends just because of their boyfriend?
The "new habits" pick up by me are nothing that she has not or does not do. Can we say hypocrite?

How did all of this come about? The short version of it is that "the best friend" sent a text that was for "the Moon" to me. The text was about me, and apparently how I'm getting on her nerves with my "tony-crazyness". When I tell her to fuck herself she gets defensive, then she starts bargaining and then she starts to make it sound like "Oh I just want the best for you". Her typical trying to get people back on her side bullshit. And to all of that I just have to say:

You really need to come up with some new material man.

C-C-C-Combo breaker!

2010-01-18T18:16:00.002+08:00

Finally I'm off hiatus. Which was not even an official one. I just got bored to telling you random strangers whom I don't even actually know about the details of my life. I'm still pretty convinced nobody really reads this blog but hey, an emotional outlet is an emotional outlet.

Why so emotional Shafina? If you don't know already then most likely I don't want you to know.

Drama's a fucking bitch. Seriously. Now, I can see most of you are wondering what I've been doing for the long absence. Here is the general idea of what happened.

Boyfriend > most any single person I know. Also he's more douchey than anyone I know. So, I guess there's some sort of balance there.

Family is getting hard to deal with due to this gargantuan tsunami-like wave of guilt and anger that hits me each and every time I'm with them. I know why it keeps coming but it doesn't really help. Way to be stuck between a rock and a hard place, eh?

Old friends are changing, and we're not really as close as we used to be, but that's how life is. New friends are awesome.

Discovering myself more and more. I like this person I'm becoming, too bad everyone else doesn't.

I now look up to one Ayaan Hirsi Ali. She is the most amazing woman ever.

School is getting harder and harder. But eh, I still have the option of slitting my wrist and bleed myself dry right?

Heavy duty clouds coming up.

2009-10-31T23:51:00.002+08:00

"Oh, you mother is so manipulative"
"Where do you think I got it from?"

Yep heavy heavy clouds. And I'm not referring to the rain either. However considering the current emotional status of yours truly... there might be a correlation. Wow aren't I just so very articulate today.

Essentially, lots of shit, emphasis on shit has been coming up lately. Main source being the family and other sources include my own shitty sense of security. Yea, I've been hanging out with waay too many pretty people. At least I can find comfort in the fact that everyone else seems to be just as depressed and having a lot of shit to go through as me right now. Unless my constant blog hopping and shallow assessments are wrong of course.

I'm still in love. Still working on patching up the little screwed up oddity I call my mind. Still living. Still working on it.

Shafina is aliiive!!!

2009-10-19T15:32:00.004+08:00

*fart*
"My girlfriend is such a sailor"

"Hey! I served my country! I don't need to learn no manners to earn your respect!"

It's kind of sad that I'm incapable of thinking up of anything particularly interesting to blog about since The Boyfriend came around. Though I feel really bad for not meeting up with Bobo as often as I used to. Sorry adik!

Thanks for the little math pep talk. Yea got exams right now.

Oh other than that. Got my hair cut.

Aaaand I keep getting annoyed by how certain people like to pronounce the boyfriend's name in the most kampung way possible.

Sorry for the short post. I am seriously THAT blocked right now.

Oh, For Fucks Sake!

2009-09-26T23:41:00.002+08:00

"Bile you pulak nak ade menantu ni Zu?"
"Tak tau laa, tapi satu dah dengan Indon, satu dah dengan European, yang lagi satu tak tau laa"
"Sape yang nak European tu Umi? I don't know anyone who's with an European!"

That is an excerpt from a conversation had during an Open house of an old neighbour. And that was my mother's way of openly telling me that she is far too much of a racist bigot to accept the fact that I'm dating a Kenyan. Yes, he's black. Don't any of you even dare refer to him using the 'n word'.

Dear mother,

Since when were you so very racist? Fine I get it back then when you were kid the Chinese people gave you a hard time for being a Malay. However, this is 2009 not 1950 (see how many years are in between those two seperate decades?). More over, Tony has done absolutely nothing to have made you disapprove of him. You have yet to meet him and you've already started making your conclusions! I bet it's only because he's not Malay.

Honest to God I know you wouldn't be like this if I was dating a malay boy. Never mind if he could be the most sexist douchebag that would treat me like shit that he just stepped on. As long as he's Malay. No motherfucking problem right?

Yet, when I tell you of a black Kenyan who treats me like a queen. Who drives me to be a better version of myself. Who wants me to have the best future that he honestly believes that I deserve. You react by completely ignoring the fact that he is my boyfriend.

Congratulations, you have officially won the douchbag of the year award. You and Along and everyone else that has ever given me and tony a look of pure disdain. I love you mother, but you are being VERY douche-y

The dog days are over, the dog days are done.

2009-09-02T08:58:00.001+08:00

So, You know how my life likes to be spontaneous and awesome? Well yesterday the awesomeness of my life reached it peak.Why you ask?

Well, because yesterday I had the best time ever, with the greatest, most amazing person in the world ever, doing the most random things ever. Now, he's my boyfriend. =D

Dah tu je nak cerita. I too malu nak elaborate lagi.

random random random

2009-08-19T17:46:00.002+08:00

"Ya,know pansexuality, when you're basically attracted to anything. Regardless of gender or species"
"But who would advocate something as twisted as beastiality?"
"THE TAYLOR'S ANIMAL HUGGERS CLUB!"

I know that that definition of pansexuality is not remotely correct but it revolves the main idea that you just like what you like. As a conceptual character born by Irvine Welsh's complex mind, Mark Renton (look him up, he's a really cool guy), once said;

"You see, if you ask me, we're all heterosexual by default, not by decision. It's just a question about who you fancy. It's all about aesthetics and it's fuck all to do with morality."

You people should really watch Trainspotting, It will blow your mind. If you read the book first believe me when I tell you that you won't understand a single thing. You'd be lucky if you can understand a paragraph.

Other than my various opinions on sexuality and pop culture; I actually wasted money on something that won't come with negative repercussions in the long run. Haha. Today some people showed up selling sparkly jewelry for the greatest prices and all in the name of charity. I spent RM30 in total for 8 pairs of ear rings, a locket and belanje a friend an anklete. They're purrrdy. o.o

Strangely short post today, Since I know most of my other post get a bit too lengthy and no one wants to read thaaat much. haha.

Charity Carnival!! Yeaaay!!!

2009-08-12T18:42:00.002+08:00

"Thing is, when he's not being hot, he's just a generally sexist asshole."
*sputters*
"Hehehehe"

So, today was the day that everyone, well most of everyone, got their classes canceled and bakar duit!!! =). The classes that decided to do something didn't really get to bakar duit though. Haha.

Thank God my class decided to sell something. So, I basically had nothing to do from 900 to 1300 other than sell spaghetti, mac & cheese, and mushroom soup anyway. I hardly even did that. All I even actually did was coerce some friends and housemates to buy some spaghetti and draw up the menu, I'm such a lazy bitch. Haha. Good thing we didn't have a lot of things to sell because 2 hours in, everything was gone. Haha.

So, I was low on ideas as to what I can do to kill the next two hours before "class" starts. Since practically everyone I know was busy I tried my luck on the Bobo, because he was the only one that I didn't have confirmation on. Lo and behold! I found myself at the pool area in AC five minutes later.

Yes, I play pool. I just suck really bad at it. HAHA! Yes Bobo killed me good. However, he took pity at some point and gave me some pointers and I got somewhat better at it. Hahaa.

By close to 1 I go to "class" to find out that it's been canceled. Sure I still had another 2 consecutive classes, but you know when you don't feel like going to class especially if it's just 2 classes you don't want to go, right?. Either way my "stunt" left me free till 4. Therefore, I went to kacau Bobo! Who was still in AC, that loser. :P

While I just sat down and just ordered my shit-cha I spot a familiar face. What he was doing in AC? Who knows. Regardless I was glad to see that face again, it's been a long time since I've seen him. Rinduuu. Anyways, he was with a new person I've never seen. He's always with a bunch of new people I've never seen.

So, the new friend, just wouldn't stop talking. Mainly allegedly how my name means "key" in swahili (I checked it up my name actually mean "ark"/"ship". Therefore I'm writing out that part of the talking as "flirting". Haha) and how I should really join them to the Kenya vs. Malaysia match in Shah Alam then get really fucked up. As much as I love getting fucked up, I don't love it enough to just go to God knows where in Shah Alam with two guys I hardly know.

As much as I adore that Tanzanian, I'm still not that stupid. I learn from my mistakes you see. Thing is, while I was talking to the new guy and main-main tangan with the Tanzanian. This guy that I suspect that still has the hots for me joined us at the table. Then I realise "Holy shit, I'm surrounded by guys. How funny is thaaat?". I have no idea why I found that funny but what ever.

At some point the Africans gave up on trying to convince me that going to that match with them is a "good idea" and left. By which I just sat there with the guy that has the hots for me and Bobo. Those two get along fine, which was a good point for me. While I was sitting there arguing with the Guy and his sexist remarks, Bobo was busy pulling weird faces while he texts a girl in my class who he has the hots for. Haha.

After enough arguing and shit-cha, we move to the pool centre. That was where I had a epiphany that nearly made me shit bricks. The guy that I suspect still has the hots for me was really fucking hot!!! Like the kind of hot that little 14 year olds would go "OMG HE'S SO HOTT!!!" at. He was HOT!

I brought this up after the guy left and I was with Bobo. I actually asked him if he knew that the Guy was hott. His reply was "You only know that now? Seriously?". I tell this to Minot, her reply was more or less the same. I'm so slow I'm sorry! Why did I have to know this NOW after the ship has sailed off? WHY??? Bobo, tells me there's still hope and I can get that ship to turn back. I tell him it's not really reasonable nor is it worth the effort.

It was a fun conversation that. Becuase the topic also started to turn to me rule that if a hott person thinks you're hott. That automatically means you're hott. I got confirmation from three people today that I'm hott. THEREFORE SHAFINA IS HOTT!!! YESS!!!!!

Then at some point I start listening to Bobo's iPod and mine simultaneously. Weirdest fun I've had in a while. Because in one ear I have the Black Eyed Peas telling me how it's gonna be a good night and on the other I have Sigur Ros singing about childhood nostalgia and innocence. It was fun and weird.

Then at 4! I was in charge of the movie screening for the film Appreciation Club this week (I know the posters said Cinta and we showed Shawshank Redemption instead. I'm sorry about that!). Anyways now I think the club is gonna have a new regular. Yeaaay!!! so, that was my day. It was fun.

Because randomly good things keep happening. :)

2009-08-04T19:34:00.005+08:00

"We've known each other for a long time, I remember you but I don't remember you."

I just love that line. Yesterday, I went to watch Sepet while apparently some government conspiracy was going on at "my place" (if you don't get it. It's okay. Most people have a misconception about it anyway. HAHA) which meant no one had power. So, while other people were sweating it out in their apartments. I went to go watch Sepet at college in a nice and air conditioned Lecture Theatre, bawling my eyes out for Jason.

After that? Watched me a bunch of Yasmin Ahmad commercials for Petronas. As well as a bunch of other Petronas commercials. Those things make me emotional. Where as The love story of Tan Hong Ming is just waaay too cute.

Then went back to the apartment (by then the electricity udah pulaaang) where I hung out in the room that didn't belong to me where we conspired as to how we should go about with the whole "housemate's birthday" thing. In the end, turns out her friend already got a cake, so we just had to lure her out under the pretense that we were getting ice cream. Then we finished the whole shabang by the pool. Yes people found themselves pushed into the pool. This includes me. All in all, the celebration was better than just a night spent smoking and reading a novel.

Which is something I don't understand about my housemates. None of them enjoy novels. I mean one of them wouldn't stop complaining about how she had to read Lord of the Flies, which is only one of the greatest pieces of literature ever published but don't take my word for it. READ IT. When I kept telling her that it is a GREAT book, she just kept asking me what the hell happened. Instead of just reading it herself. Grrrrr. Yes, if you haven't guessed Shafina find a dislike for reading with in a person to be very unattractive. I find that most times people who are as such to be dull and redundant.

I'll even accept the fact that you read Twatlight. Even if it's basically a whole book that just goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about how "mystical" and "alluring" Edward is. I will find you more interesting than a person who refuses to read. Honestly I will!!

Okay now I'm getting off topic. We'll fast forward to this evening when by some miracle my missing ID turned up on the mailbox of my block. Thank you slightly stalker-ish Pak Gad, you saved me from having to waste RM 25. =)

Extra good bit: Lovely Aliaa messages me a few days back about how she has a free ticket for MTV World stage and it has my name on it. I love my lovely lovely Aliaa. She's so good to me. :3

Because this is all I've been watching for the past few hours as well as the fact that Russel Peters is absolute WIN. =DD

Sick Days are Kind of okay Days

2009-08-01T17:21:00.003+08:00

"I don't feel the sickness yet, but it's in the post. That's for sure. I'm in the junkie limbo at the moment. Too ill to sleep. Too tired to stay awake, but the sickness is on its way. Sweat, chills, nausea. Pain and craving. A need like nothing else I've ever known will soon take hold of me. It's on its way."

It all started on a shitty stormy Wednesday morning in Subang. I should've known the day couldn't end very well when the absolute last person in the world I ever wanted to see invited himself to breakfast with me. There I was in AC the he comes in and just sits down and starts eating his Nasi Lemak. While the rain kept my usual breakfast buddy late and so lengthening the awkward silence at that table.

When there wasn't awkward silence he'd be telling me off about smoking and asking whether those people that just said hi to me were Malay or not. Like any of that fucking matters.

Then after the awkwardness was over and done with Class started and after the first hour I was already starting to feel woozy. By the end of Socio I was about to pass out. Which I did once I was back in my apartment. When I became conscious called up the Breakfast buddy since he's the only reliable and trustworthy friend I have who didn't have class to teman me to the clinic.

I had a really bad fever yet somehow on the way to the clinic. I lost it. How stupid is that? So we decided to forget about the clinic which was waayyy too far, instead I got myself some panadol and went back to the apartment for some rest.

After the rest, I woke up with a really bad headache and a really empty stomach. Since I know my housemate has this massive amount of Oatmeal and I have honey. I decided to have something simple and by GOD it was good Oatmeal. I don't understand why I don't eat oatmeal more often. :s

After that amazing bowl of oatmeal over ManjaLara I called my mom asking her to pick me up, because I know by my state right now I would not survive my classes for the next day. So she picked me up. at around 8 something. By the time we got to Bangi my fever was already making me delirious.

Seriously I just kept telling my mom about every single thing that popped into my head, from peculiar marriage practices of rural India to how shitty I thought360 was. People stared, yes. After the clinic visit we went straight home and I buried myself under 3 extremely thick blankets. It was the best feeling in the world.

That was basically where I stayed for the most of Thursday and Friday. Then sometime in Friday I got a heck of a lot better (yeay modern medicine!) yet have little to nothing to do. So, I started up my little pc and rewatched all three seasons of Avatar.

The fact that all the cold medicine left me slightly high made it all the better. (I really hope M. Night Shamalan does not fuck up this fandom.) Sadly I do not know how to upload those episodes on to my iPod. I budak baru belajar jangan la ejek!!!

Other things I did to preoccupy myself while I was sick:

Fell in love with Ion. (Green Lanterns are so cool)
Organized my iTunes library.
Upgraded my RC kaw kaw.
Get befuddled as to how I got Yuna on my iPod.
Picked up my license. >=D

Also I got bored and started doodling on an ugly picture of myself which was taken by this minah class saya yang suke dengki. :PP. JKJK, we cool.

Lawa tak? XD

Adoption

2009-07-27T16:07:00.005+08:00

"I'm such a spoiled brat. Ask me why."

"Because you're Shafina"
"Cibai."
>:P

So, in the expanse of 1 weekend I got myself two new babies. No, not actual biological humanoid babies. But I'm referring to electronic babies. =) YES this is going to be a bragging post so, you can just skip this next time you go through my archive.

So, after the awesome Saturday spent at my cousin's house which consisted of a lot of Fable, a lot of ass kicked at Scene it and finishing Fight Club in 24 hours (see how fast it is to get through a Chuck Palahniuk book? I'll never understand how certain people would take months to finish Survivor). I found myself back in Bangi that evening. Watched True Blood, Nurse Jackie and finished another issue of Green Lantern. I am a massive nerd, I can't help it, being a nerd is just so much more fulfilling than any social obligation. Haha.

Now fast forward to Sunday morning, where I was bored and decided it was a "good idea" to go through my mom's room to find this one camera that has this one picture that I wanted to put on facebook. That was till I realized that my brother most probably took it with him to his trip to Phuket. However! That is not the story I want to tell, now while I was going through all the drawers. I found this little beauty.
Which was what my mother used for a short period of time as a means of communication. Until the thing got über fucked up and the battery became a high maintenance bitch and needed to be charged twice a day. Haha. However, since my sister oh so dutifully went to Sungei wang and got it fixed the thing isn't that fucked up but the battery is still very much high maintenanced. So, when I asked my mom whether I can use her HTC since she already has her Nokia which she totally loves. She says "yes". =). Talk about an ultimate upgrade eh? HAHA

Now after spending the rest of the day reading up on Contract Law then finding out this morning that the parts I skipped was what came out (FUCK!). Regardless, I'm getting off track. Okay so now on to the story of my second baby. Dearest mother had already banked in the money I needed to get the baby, however since I haven't declared myself 18 yet I'm still limited to withdrawing 200 a day. Soooo, we made a little detour on the way to Subang. The detour? An Apple Store. Why?

TO GET ME AN iPOD!!!!!!

Yes. an iPod. =).

Yes I know, damn ketinggalan right? Haha. Now I've joined the Ratrace. and now I own this little baby that has 120 gigs for my lovely lovely LOVELY music collection of PURE INDIE ROCK. Haha. Which brings us here. Where I am. The Web, downloading the setup for iTunes for the iPod. It is taking FOREVER.

So, yea thats it. I'm done bragging. How are you guys? Planning on going to MTV World Stage?

2009-07-23T11:55:00.001+08:00

Created by Recipe Star

Stuck in the web waiting on Mon Mon. I need to find ways to slowly kill time. no?

Decisions decisions

2009-07-21T14:17:00.003+08:00

Mombot gave me a heck of a lot of extra money for the birthday.

I was torn between getting a laptop or an iPod. Guess what?

I decided to jump on the consumerist train and picked the iPod. So much for being a "post-modernist". Haha. I'm a contradiction after contradiction. I suppose it comes with being human. No one is ever one thing completely. No one ever thinks being two-dimensional is enough. We want variety!

Heh, talk about going off topic. So yes! iPod! Because I'm already planning my soul to corporate America. Why no start with the little things?

Also I really really really love my music. Just realised how much I missed having an mp3 player after the 5th time listening to Hellhole Ratrace and wishing I could listen to this song whenever I want. *sigh*

HELLO WORLD!

2009-07-18T20:43:00.002+08:00

Guess what?
I'm OFFICIALLY 18 and ONE DAY OLD!!!!!

It's so much fun being legal. :) there are so many ways for me to fuck myself up now. :)

How was my b'day week? Not much to say about it other than that I got really green for most of the week and figured out how to make a b**g out of a water bottle. I was so proud of myself for being able to keep up with my work despite the greeness. See? Shafina IS responsible!!!!!! Well, responsible enough.

And for the official celebration? This minah took me all the way to Barcelona (not the one in Spain.) Yea we pegi awal for the sake of a free bottle. Also we balik awal due to the free bottle. LAWAK TAK??!!! XDDDDD

To the people that have never drank. Don't do it. As "nice" as you may feel it's NOT GONNA LAST LONG. Wanna know why? Because Alcohol is BAD. I lost count as to how many times people vomitted last night. Most of it coming from me. So, believe me that it was not nice.

But the next day (my proper birthday. The 17th. Haha.) was the best lazy day. Skipped class. Stayed in bed. Hisap rokok. Makan nasi goreng kampung. Uish sedap.

And now I'm in Bangi. My hair feels fabulous. And yes I did watch that ANTM marathon. :P

Life is being very good. Now next week is when the work really starts.

Wow

2009-07-16T19:40:00.002+08:00

I now have 6 followers!!!!

And two of them I do not know. :)
HI new people that just started following me and I assume you find this blog amusing which is why you're following it so, THANK YOU!! =D

So to the 2 new people. Do leave a comment, I'd like to know who you are. :)

Oh and to the guy. Putra right? You're blog is awesome man!!!

Birthday week

2009-07-13T16:52:00.001+08:00

Just because my official birthday is on Friday does not mean I won't get myself fucked up. I've got the funds, the time (depends on how you look at it), and the people.

LET THE PARTY BEGIN!!!!!

Killing time

2009-07-10T15:44:00.005+08:00

I have decided that I'll be ignoring livejournal until I finish downloading Children of Earth because I do not need spoilers flooding my inbox. I mean the naked Jack and Jack's daughter spoiler was fun to look at but this is just way too major for anyone to post up on the World Wide Web. For fuck's sake people!

Now thanks to my new resolve to ignore LJ I'll have to do something else to fill in the 20 minutes I have till my next class. Yes I have a 4.15 class on a Friday. Instead I'll just tell you about Hal Jordan, who is officially absolutely the coolest Fictional character ever. You name me anyone and I can tell you how Hal can kick his ass 3 times over. Nobody beats Hal Jordan. Now be awed by the awesomeness that is Hal Jordan.

How I never knew of the awesomeness of Hal Jordan prior to now is beyond me. Yes I know that this post is nerd overload but I can't help it if Hal Jordan is epic. Who else can destroy the Green Lantern Corps, be possesed by Parallax and God's Vengeance at the same time and still look good in green tights?

The answer would be no one but Hal Jordan.

I am scared

2009-07-07T17:07:00.003+08:00

Is it alright if I'm sad and feeling let down
Is it okay if I'm not myself again
Will you love me the same if i promise to breathe
And count from 1 to 10
Is it alright if I lose track of the world
Is it okay if I hide from the unknown
Will you tell me again the story about
how I'm not alone

As of this moment I have about 40 days till my AS trials. I am trying to get my shit together. But I fear I won't and history would agree with me on this. Because to face facts; I'm a fuck up.

I fuck up things needlessly. I fuck up friendships. I fuck up my life. I fuck up people. I fuck up nearly every good opportunity I have for my future.

Fucking up is my forte. The worse part? I'm not even those fuck ups that get to have some tragic story written about them. I'm just those fuck ups that fuck themselves up into a dead end minimum wage job with normal plain and boring co-workers and friends. Get married to some "nice malay boy" my parents would approve of and live my dull middle class life. Which is just the epitome of well mediocrity. Hence, probably the name of my URL.

I'm pretty sure that all of you don't want to settle for mediocre as well as not want your friends to settle for mediocrity. So, if I don't always layan you all the time you don't have t blow up over it.

Today is Friday

2009-07-03T18:38:00.002+08:00

Just so everyone will know if you don't see my in college by Monday. I am most probably either dead or I have been transfered to some local Uni.

Tomorrow will be the day of which my Parents will meet my lecturers and they will be discussing as to why I'm such a fuck up.

New word for the day : Wang Lau Ma.

Back in College

2009-07-02T19:52:00.002+08:00

"I already miss Mary Jane."

Here's the basic summary of my holiday. Rokok, True Blood, Comic Books, Xbox 360 and Life decisions. Sounds kind of epic eh?

However, it doesn't really overwrite the guilt of how badly I did for my first semester and how much my parents are paying for me to stay in Taylors. Though the people that I keep surrounding myself with are making it easier for me. I'm happy with "my of choice people" this semester. I suppose lepak-ing with your seniors does pay off. Haha.

I have high hopes this time around. but seriously if I fuck up this semester. I'm going to Uitm. no joke.

Life is just grand. I love everything.

Though I won't be loving anything during the whole of September though.

And you people must go layan Kantoi from Zee Avi! Because that song is really fucking comel and it's rojak!!!

Everything To Everyone

2009-06-13T18:08:00.002+08:00

What on earth do I put here? Originally I thought I'd put something about CLIOD. But that's waaaay cerita basi now. Then I thought about some ramblings about racism, but Azam already did that and I'm no copy cat. :P

Then I thought about how my behavior has excelled from slightly stupid to epically stupid. I can't help but wonder about that. I won't go into detail about my stupid actions. Just know that they were stupid. Now I wonder whether my values are very flexible or whether I have any values at all?

Both of which would still constitute me as a fuck up right? Now does this mean I'm a fuck up by choice or the environment that I grew up in made me a fuck up? I know it's unfair to blame your mistakes on someone else, I won't put my behavior down as "social facts" but it comes close to being one.

I come from the typical "budak rosak" background. Upper middle class family. Absent parents for most of my childhood, so they bought me nearly everything I asked for to get over the guilt of almost never being there.

Massive pricks for siblings, the parentals weren't in their most "harmonious" state in my earlier years, the siblings didn't take their shouting matches over the breakfast table very well, so they took it out on the youngest one. No, they never beat me too bad or anything, but I'd say chasing your 8 year old sister around the house with a kitchen knife because you thought it was "funny" is kind of fucked up.

Didn't have a single friend until Amani came along when I was 9. Okay, maybe this was not much of a "budak rosak" background type of thing. I say it still constitutes as something that may contribute to my "fucked up-ness".

I'm also slightly unhappy with my mother's inconsistent values. When I was younger she would give me these liberal and modern values that she says I should be living by. Now, that I live by them she does a 180 and tells me that I should stop this "sinful" way of live because it's humiliating for my dad. This is where my sister gets off easier, because she lives in Indonesia and only has to see the parentals for like 5 times maximum a year.

But then at some point in time, The Cousin stepped in to teach me about the awesomeness of various DC superheroes, the beauty of video games, the epic abilities of Doctor Who and became that older brother that I needed. He taught me how to be a decent and normal human being. Too bad you can never really erase the fucked up psyche of a person, not entirely anyway. I love him, I owe a lot of what I am today to him. He's very nearly the only person who I really do not want to disappoint ever. I'm sorry Cousin.

I can never stop myself from seeing things in shades of grey. Whether this is good or bad I don't really know, because I don't like the concept of "definite" and "absolute". No one is definitely bad nor is there a person who is absolutely good. There are two sides to everything, in certain cases even more than two. Who am I to be the judge of people? I hold no superior title or power over them. Though this could also play a part in my outlandish behavior.

Regardless, I still need to figure shit out. I didn't mean to make this post sound like I'm the most depressing person in the world. If you want depressing look at that guy with the 55 lbs. tumor in his face. Now that's depressing. I'll just put a disclaimer here so I don't offend anyone. The post was just for my sake in trying to figure some shit out. I don't mean to call anyone a "budak rodak" but if any of the statements set here strikes a chord with any of you don't take it up with me.

You put yourself in stupid places
Yes I think you know it's true
Situations where it's easy to look down on you

I think you like to be the victim
I think you like to be in pain
I think you make yourself a victim almost every single day

You do what you do
You say what you say
You try to be everything to everyone

You know all the right people
You play all the right games
You always try to be everything to everyone

Yeah you do it again
You always do it again

You say they taught you to read and write
Yeah they taught you how to count
I say they tought you how to buy and sell your own body by the pound

I think you like to be their simple toy
I think you love to play the clown
I think you are blind to the fact that the hand you hold is the hand that holds you down

You do what you do
Yeah you say what you say
You always try to be everything to everyone

You know all the right people
You play all the right games
You always try to be everything to everyone

Spin around and fall down
Do it again
Yeah you stumble and you fall
Yeah why don't you ever learn

Spin around and fall down
Do it again
Yeah you stumble and you you fall
I wonder if you will ever learn

Yeah why won't you ever learn
Come on now, do that stupid dance for me

Talk about a shitty week

2009-06-03T19:46:00.003+08:00

"It's not getting through. SHIT!"

In the week right before my semester exam, nearly every single thing that could go to shit. Goes to shit. TWATlight wins an award for "the best fight". Commercialism is putting out a new Hannah Montana movie. The ICPU and SAM people dropped off the face of this planet. My parent are becoming more and more critical of me. Had to commute directly to and from Bangi three times in the expanse of 2 days. Worst of all? My phone was stolen. Muther fucker!

Sure it was partly due to my own absent mindedness. but It's still sad. You never want to realise that you can't find your phone and that you can't get through when you call it.

I'll miss it's "Bam chica wah wah". D=

Strange observation.

2009-05-21T12:24:00.006+08:00

"Come la, MOS tonight"
"It takes too much preparation and energy laa. Unless I suddenly turn into a guy then all I'd need to do is take a shower put on some Lacoste Polo, baggy jeans and tennis shoes."

Not exactly breaking news. but it's funny how a few kids in college look a lot like the people I already know from Bangi.

I mean there's already a clone of the Ex in ICPU, a more muscular and less artistic Azzari in A levels, the Chinese version of friggin Ammar Hakim, and a just recently discovered Ojie! It's like life never changes no matter where you go. Haha. It saddens me how I've yet to find anyone that look like the girls of back home though. Not even one that remotely looks like Alyn. Huish.

Besides that, the untimely demise of my dearly beloved mp3 player has left me with a kind of emptiness. Nothing feels as normal anymore and my walks to classes are getting more and more lonely and boresome. I may be being melodramatic, but things are just SO DULL. *tear tear*

I hope my parents totally agree on getting me an iPod. I'll put my issues with the Macintosh empire aside for the iPod. As overrated as it is, it's the only thing out there that is capable of storing my entire media library.

Now I leave you with a Tony Almeida fanvid. Because he brought the soul patch back.

6.5.09

2009-05-08T23:17:00.009+08:00

"Shafina! You look like a battered woman!"

"Yes I am! I am beaten, I am bruised and I am fucking tired of having to settle for second best!"

Took leave on Wednesday to get my JPJ driving test over and done with as well as spend time with these amazing girls. They are absolutely the best.

Power Rangers!!

Aliaa and Pika decided to do a whole fucking BBQ as our kind of "farewell and we're going out with a huge bang" party. Basically it was all just grilled chicken, hot dogs, some mind boggling custard and a massive chlorinated body of water. As well as a hell of a lot of cam whoring. I suppose about 250 pics in the expanse of 4 hours is a lot wouldn't you? Haha

So, yes back to the day. It was kind of impulsive I suppose. Basically, I just got my P and then Aliaa texted me about the BBQ and Best friend got her mom to send us to Aliaa's house (one of the more awkward car rides I've had).

Not much to say about the food other than the amazing custard and Aliaa's vanilla cupcakes!! =D. And yea the chicken was goood.

Now on to th fun bit; the pool! Where everyone either humiliated themselves in one way or another or showed off some super human abilities.

Like Adilah, the tiny wonder.

She can crawl on water. =D

As well as bring people back to life. Without the help of Aliaa of course.

This has nothing to do with Adilah. I just thought it was a pretty picture.

After splashing about for hours on end, we all decided the party was over and started cleaning. up. Well everyone else other than me and the best friend anyway. :P Instead we ensued some chaos.

Yes boys it is true.

Other than that group make out session.My absolute favourite part of the party has to be when Aliaa got a call from Lini saying that she was about to arrive when everyone was already on their way out and everyone screamed

"LARRIII!!!!! LARIII!!! MASUK DALAM KERETAA!!!!!!"

and when Aliaa said Lini was still on the phone. We tried to cover it up by screaming

"ANJIIIINGGG!!! LARRIII!!!! MASUK DALAM KERETAA!!!!".

Complete bullshit but hey. No one here likes Lini. Why she thinks she's still thinks we want to be her friend is still a complete mystery to us. The fucking loser.

Well that's the end. more or less. I'll love these girls forever and I'll miss them so bad.

Because this post lacks Aliaa and she's absolutely awesome. =)

Birches by Robert Frost

2009-05-04T18:13:00.000+08:00

When I see birches bend to left and right
Across the lines of straighter darker trees,
I like to think some boy's been swinging them.
But swinging doesn't bend them down to stay.
Ice-storms do that. Often you must have seen them
Loaded with ice a sunny winter morning
After a rain. They click upon themselves
As the breeze rises, and turn many-coloured
As the stir cracks and crazes their enamel.
Soon the sun's warmth makes them shed crystal shells
Shattering and avalanching on the snow-crust
Such heaps of broken glass to sweep away
You'd think the inner dome of heaven had fallen.
They are dragged to the withered bracken by the load,
And they seem not to break; though once they are bowed
So low for long, they never right themselves:
You may see their trunks arching in the woods
Years afterwards, trailing their leaves on the ground,
Like girls on hands and knees that throw their hair
Before them over their heads to dry in the sun.
But I was going to say when Truth broke in
With all her matter-of-fact about the ice-storm,
I should prefer to have some boy bend them
As he went out and in to fetch the cows--
Some boy too far from town to learn baseball,
Whose only play was what he found himself,
Summer or winter, and could play alone.
One by one he subdued his father's trees
By riding them down over and over again
Until he took the stiffness out of them,
And not one but hung limp, not one was left
For him to conquer. He learned all there was
To learn about not launching out too soon
And so not carrying the tree away
Clear to the ground. He always kept his poise
To the top branches, climbing carefully
With the same pains you use to fill a cup
Up to the brim, and even above the brim.
Then he flung outward, feet first, with a swish,
Kicking his way down through the air to the ground.
So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
And so I dream of going back to be.
It's when I'm weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig's having lashed across it open.
I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate wilfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better.
I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree~
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.

Last time I read this was for SPM. Now I just can't stop thinking about it. I just bolded my favourite parts.

Prepare to be spoilt

2009-05-03T01:17:00.000+08:00

So, X-men Origins: Wolverine. Yeah I watched it. and all I have to say is that it's FUCKING GAY. I totally understand that Stan Lee is a prostitute to "variation". Yes, he does set up his own booth and for a movie contract he will let you fuck up everything that is Marvel. Don't believe me? How bout an Adamantium gun that shoots Adamantium bullets that apparently makes Wolverine get amnesia? What kind of bullshit is that?

Other things that are totally wrong;

How can Deadpool be fucking dead? I mean he's Deadpool AND Ryan Reynolds. How do you just KILL that? Seriously? Who in their right mind would do that?
How did Agent Zero a motherfucking GERMAN. Suddenly turn into Daniel Henny? Not that I have anything against Daniel. I mean he's hottness personified. Still, Germany is nowhere near Korea.
GAMBIT. How can you fuck up Gambit? How the HELL do you not give us a proper Gambit? His first time appearing on th big screen. Not only did you fuck up his eyes. He doesn't even have a proper Southern accent. and WHAT THE FUCK happened to is his French? You didn't even give the Thieves' Guild a single mention. WHY? HOW?
No Wolverine does NOT get amnesia from two bullets to the brain.
No Sabertooth and Wolverine did not go through various wars together!
There was absolutely no woman other than Rose.
Wolverine was NOT a lumberjack. He was a miner.
Sabertooth's name is Dog Logan!
Every single timeline of every single character has been fucked up HORRIBLY.
That Cyclops and Professor X scene was just tremendously gay.
How on earth did James get himself to Japan?

Things they got right;

Wolverine's real name.

Conclusion;
Only watch it if you feel like having a good laugh over the total fuckery that is " X-men Origins: Wolverine".Stan Lee is a prostitute to Commercialism. I'm never watching another Marvel movie EVER. It's DC for me all the fucking way. Even if Marvel comes up with "better" story lines for their comics, DC keeps their integrity when it comes to film adaptation.

Popping the blog cherry

2009-05-02T08:03:00.000+08:00

And in comes the gush of unexpected and nearly horrifying amount of unnecessary and useless information.

Hi.
I'm Shafina.
I like to claim that I use perfect English when I write.
Even though I basically rojak everything in real life.
I'm in college.
I am the definition of mediocre on paper.
I am friends with the most amazing people.
I like to write in short sentences.
I waste too much of my time.
After four years my mother has finally figured out that I smoke.
I like to read.
I like music.
I think my mother thinks I sleep around

I hope you guys are going to enjoy my future posts.
That is if people actually bother to read this blog. =)